I had so much anxiety, anticipation and excitement before I ventured off to Iceland for my third visit. Because I had only been learning Icelandic for about 5 months, I expected that I would face some challenges with being able to communicate in the language when I arrived in the country. However, I wasn’t expecting that I would have an experience that would make me question if I should continue to learn the language.

The Incident

On the fateful evening, my partner and I ventured out on icy roads to attend an intimate performance in, Akranes, a town outside of Reykjavík. There were approximately 15 people in attendance and it was evident from the conversations taking place that almost everyone, if not the whole group, spoke Icelandic fluently. On previous trips, I felt uncomfortable knowing that I was the only one in the room that didn’t know the language, but this time was different. I had learned 1300 Icelandic words before the trip and instead of feeling left out, I looked at this event as an opportunity to figure out more of what was being said. This was my way of making learning Icelandic seem somewhat fun.  struggled to comprehend everything, but hearing a familiar word or phrase kept me captivated.

At one point during the performance, a comment was directed toward me. The person that made the comment had been speaking in Icelandic for all of the event. However, they switched over to English to let me know that my partner would translate everything being said into English for me. This comment would not have bothered me on previous visits because I had been less knowledgeable about Icelandic. My ignorance about the language in the past had shielded me from feeling any shame when I encountered situations where I was the odd one out. On this trip, I knew a lot more than ever before, but still not enough to communicate well. Yes, translation would have been helpful but I didn’t want it pointed out to a room full of strangers that I didn’t fully understand.

Learning Icelandic Words for Months Wasn’t Nearly Enough

In the moment the announcement was made, I felt mortified and embarrassed that everyone in the room knew that I didn’t know the language. I could feel a room full of people looking in my direction. What might have been only five seconds felt like an eternity of turmoil. My body temperature started rising and my skin was tingling. If I were a lighter complexion, I am sure that my face would have been visibly beet red. Like waves crashing up against the shore, my internal struggle was turbulent, intense and unwavering. I wanted to run out of the room and find a space where I could release my emotions safely and alone, but that wasn’t an option. Even though, I was able to squeeze out a half smile, half grimace when the comment was said, I found myself clenching my jaw in an effort to hold back tears from filling up in my eyes.

I believe that this comment was meant to reassure me that I wouldn’t be left out from understanding what was being said. Unfortunately, instead of feeling included, I felt isolated and alone. I knew that learning Icelandic would be a challenge but I didn’t anticipate this feeling. To my surprise, this comment became a defining moment on my trip and a very memorable experience as I continue on my journey toward fluency.

Reflection

I reflected on this incident for the remainder of my trip. My insecurity about not knowing enough Icelandic stayed with me like a heavy rain cloud hovering over my head. Whenever I heard Icelandic, which was quite often, I questioned whether I would ever fully understand the language or speak fluently. Maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew! Maybe learning Icelandic was just too hard.

As similar thoughts filled my mind, I struggled to keep a positive outlook. I had underestimated how difficult this journey would be and I now understand how emotionally attached I am to succeeding. It was also hard to admit that I thought I was much further along than I am. It can be jarring when you come to the realization that you have only taken a few steps on your journey out of the many thousands necessary to reach your destination.

Looking on the Bright Side

After talking out my feelings with several people and allowing myself to take a break from studying, I feel happy in knowing that I definitely want to continue learning Icelandic. I have decided to look at this incident as a hard lesson learned on my pursuit to fluency. I am grateful that it happened because it is forcing me to re-evaluate my mindset and study habits. At the time, I thought I knew more than I did and I was hoping that others wouldn’t find out that I was mostly faking it until I made it. This exaggerated reality set me up for unrealistic expectations that came crashing down with just one sentence. I felt down but definitely not out! 🙂

In upcoming posts, I will expand upon the methods I am using to better manage my expectations around how long it will take me to learn Icelandic and share some techniques that I have picked up since my trip that are getting me closer to reaching fluency.

Þakka þér fyrir að lesa og sjáumst fljótlega (Thank you for reading and see you soon)!